Lizmybit's Ramblings

I find myself wondering that today. Even if they say, and probably especially if they say they are good men, run because it means just the opposite! I finally heard from Mike last night...not via a phone call but via Email. The weasel broke up with me over Email!!!! What is that about? I'm not sure how I feel today. I'm sad that's for sure...I feel very taken advantage of and lied to. I will post his Email here...



I want to be honest with you and here it goes. I am not going to be seeing you anymore. It is nothing you have done or anything like that at all. I just do not feel that certain something. You are a wonderful person and I do not want to hurt you. But then again I do not want to string you along either, that wouldn't be fair to you. Sometimes things click between two people and sometimes they don't. I want to stress that there was nothing you did wrong at all. It is just that the feeling isn't there on my part. I was talking to my buddy about it on Sunday. You can't force something and that it is better to tell you sooner then later.

I am truly sorry as I think you are a wonderful person. I wish you nothing but the best in your life. You have plenty to offer someone and will be very happy when you find that right person.

Again I am sorry if I hurt you, that is not my intention here. I just wanted to be fair and honest with you.

Take Care of yourself and I hope for the best for you.

Mike

So then this is my response...


Michael,

Don't worry this is not going to be one of those dreaded Emails where I scream and yell at you and call you all kinds of names. That's not my style and quite frankly it's not worth that much wasted energy. I was not surprised in the least that you broke it off, I was sensing for the last few times we were together that you were going to do so. I just wish you would have told me on the phone or in person. Doing it in an email seemed a bit childish to me and frankly I think I deserved better than that. I am sorry that you feel there was no chemistry between the two of us, I must say you certainly acted the part well. If you want my honest opinion, which you probably don't, I think that you are not ready for a serious committed relationship. I think that you should really think about what you want and be honest with yourself and with any future women in your life.

I wish you no ill will, I will actually miss talking to you, we always had such great conversations. Good luck to you in whatever you do.

Beth

P.S. Since you left your sweater here, I thought it quite appropriate to send it off to someone else who needed it more than I, so I will be donating it to the Salvation Army. Hope you feel as good about your contribution as I do.



So I was really quite nice in my email when hat I really wanted to do was rip him apart. I can't believe he used the no chemistry line. I mean are you serious??? You don't date someone for 3 months if you don't feel any chemistry? Not to mention he felt enough chemistry to sleep with me! I guess the thing that makes me the maddest is that I now have to start all over, with someone new! I don't really have the energy to do that right now I don't think. Dating is an awful lot of work!

Firstly, let me apologize for not posting to any of your LJ's...My LJ is completely messed up again. I can't seem to respond to anyone's posts on my LJ or to any of my friends LJ. I keep getting that Error message that says unknown journal. It's so frustrating!

Anyway, I am in need of some advice from my LJ friends...especially the boys.

You may or may not know that I am dating a man and we've been together for a little over 2 months. We met on an Internet dating site and we have known each other for over three months. We spent a month emailing and talking on the phone before we ever went out. We decided on December 23rd that we wanted to only date each other and things have been going very well. This man is a full time dad of 2 young girls, ages 10 & 12. I know that the divorce was extremely difficult and his ex wife has no contact with the children. I have been very patient about meeting the girls and I have told him on several occasions that I want to meet them but only when he and the girls feel ready.

Here's my problem though. The other day we were talking on the phone and he made a comment that about having a heart attack and dropping dead about something. I all of a sudden realized that if something happened to him I would be completely clueless!!! Because no one knows we are dating and I guess I feel uneasy about that. I totally understand not wanting to introduce me to his children this early and I am fine with that. But I would think that I would merit a conversation with a friend, co-worker or sibling...but nothing. He didn't come right out and say that no one knows he's dating...but he didn't deny it either. He also admitted that I was correct in my assumption that no one would contact me if something happened to him...cause no one know I exist. Am I over reacting? Should this not be bothering me? My second problem is that we have not gone a day since the beginning of November where we haven't talked. Well, this is day 2 now and I haven't heard from him. In fact I haven't talked on the phone to him since the conversation I described to you. I am in a quandary as to what to do. Do I Email him as I usually do every day? Should I call him? Or do I just leave the whole situation alone and let him contact me. I am not sure I can go another day without hearing from him...but I also don't want to be stalker girlfriend.



Help!!!!!

Dating sucks...I am so tired of the game playing!

UPDATE:

Okay so I decided to throw caution to the wind on my way home from work today and call him. I knew that he would be on his way into work and so therefore I should be able to catch him. Well, I got his voice mail on the cell phone. I left a short message...when I got home I sent him an email just saying hey, I hadn't heard from you in a couple days and I wanted to make sure everything was okay.

So, as of now no return phone call and no response to Email. I can't even tell you how pissed I am right now. I just keep thinking if what I said pissed him off then he is in no way ready to be dating. And why the hell are you pretending to want something you don't? If you aren't ready to be dating then don't string som innocent women like myself along. Talk about how you want to get married again and the minute she mentions anything that remotely resembles commitment bail on her. But don't be a man about it an actually call her up to tell her. Just Fucking ignore her for days...maybe she'll just go away!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


No watch, I'm completely over reacting and everything will turn out to be fine in 10 minutes...but right now I'm a sobbing mess and I feel the need to journal it! Thanks for listening.

It very cold here tonight. Currently it's 31 degrees but with the wind it feels like 23! I should have worn my winter coat! They say we're supposed to have snow flurries in the am. Where do I live Antartica????

I have nothing else to say. I need a nap, and I'm cold!

Happy Saturday for those of you that come out to play. Not a whole lot going on here, and yet it's busy all at the same time. I'm feeling a bit stressed about decisions that need to be made in my life right now, and you really appreciate any prayers for guidance that anyone wants to offer. I don't really have the energy or the time to go into it all right now, besides I'd probably bore you all terribly with the details.

I hope you all have a wonderful weekend! I'm off to my 28 consecutive day of work! :( I think that I figured out by the time I have a day off I will have worked 36 straight days! Way too much time to spend somewhere you hate!

Hugs to all!

I wanted to be the first to wish our dearest friend kimbys_place A perfectly wonderful birthday! I wanted to say that I love you and even though we don't talk as much as we used to you are as important to me as ever! I hope that your day is filled with joy and the peace you have been searching for lately! I can't wait for the day I can wrap my arms around you and hug you once again! Until that day...A virtual one will have to do! (((((((((((((((((Kim))))))))))))))))))

I love you honey!

Beth

It's been a while since I've updated. I suppose because I haven't really had anything to say. Life is okay. Still not sleeping. I spent a couple of days not taking any sleep aids hoping that I would be able to sleep on my own, but it didn't work. I only got about 2 hours. today I broke down and took some because I couldn't go another day without sleep :(

I've had a two dates with Jim. This past Saturday he took me to a very nice restaurant in Crystal Lake. I had one Cosmopolitan and it was so good I wanted to lick the inside of the glass! Oh my goodness! Anyway, dinner was very nice, the conversation was good as always, in fact we spent almost 2.5 hours there talking. After dinner we took a walk around downtown and he walked me to my car. He didn't try to kiss me, for which I was very grateful. I'm just not there yet. I don't know what it is...I like him, he's a really nice guy, I just can't seem to develop romantic feelings for him. It's sad really, because I know that he is really into me! I have invited him for Dinner on Saturday with my Sister and her Husband. I need to get her opinion on him. Not that I think my sisters opinion will change anything, but sometimes I think she knows me better than I know myself.

No changes on the job front, I just can't decide what I want to do. I know the smart thing would be to get a part time job somewhere, but I am already working about 55 hours a week, and I don't really want to do something else. But I can't afford to quit and do my new career full time! *sigh* Decisions, decisions!

Anyway, I hope you are all good, I am sorry that I haven't had time to respond to any journal entries as of late. This past weekend I had a sick employee and I ended up working 30 hours over the weekend...and this was my weekend off.

((((Flist))))

I wanted to be the first to wish my dear friend cherry_sprinkle a wonderful birthday! Love you honey!!!!!

Planning on or has purchased the new LOTR DVD that was released last week? I have no idea how much it is, I looked on Amazon.com and it wasn't listed. Do you guys think it's worth it? Hmmmmm....

It feels like forever since I've been here! Not sure why, I haven't been doing anything terribly important.

I still have my itch...the Augmenten does not seem to be helping. I guess I'm going to have to go back to the Doctor.

Tomorrow I have to go to court and fight to have my ticket thrown out. To make along story short I got a ticket last month for forgetting to renew my license plate. The cop told me that if I went to court and show that I got the sticker the same day that they would throw it out. My problem is that the DMV was closed till Tuesday and I was so late in getting it that the Currency exchange didn't have any left. So I'm hoping my trip will not be in vain and the judge will take pity on me.

I had a date on Saturday. It was just a coffee date, but we ended up spending 2 hours talking in Starbucks. He was very nice and the conversation was pretty good, but I just don't think I am attracted to him. Actually, he is one of the first guys I met that actually talked more than I do. I had a hard time getting a word in edgewise believe it or not. He has called and asked me to dinner on Friday night and I have accepted. Mainly because I want to give him another chance to impress me. But if I am not anymore attracted to him at the end of the night I won't go out with him again. His names Jim BTW...oh and did I tell you ...he's a Chef! LOL

It's done nothing but raid here for two days and it looks like it's not going to stop anytime soon. It's really rather depressing.

Anyway, I think that's all I had to say. Everyone have a good week!

Or a new body. But seeing as how I don't think a new body will happen I'll take the vacation. The sad thing is I'm out of vacation time till January! :(

Update on medical situation...Putting it behind a cut cause it's kind of gross. Well, not totally gross, but maybe not all will want to hear. Men...enter at your own risk.

( Help!!!! )

I other news...I am working all weekend! Lucky me. Labor Day and I'm stuck here Saturday, Sunday and Monday! Not to mention the rest of the week.

Sigh, I really need a vacation!

Everyone have a great Labor Day weekend, I guess I'll "see" you all Tuesday!

I wanted to be the first to wish my dear friend Sandy solodancer A beautiful Happy Birthday!

However, I can see that gondoriangirl has beaten me to it! LOL

Anyway, Happy birthday darling! I hope that you have a wonderful day! I love you and I miss you!

P.S. I thought I'd use your very favorite Icon! LOL

(For those who don't know she hates this icon! )

Well, I came into work late tonight...2 hours late to be exact. I couldn't sleep today. The Rash/skin infection whatever the hell it is has gotten worse. When I went to the Dr. on Friday I had 11 spots and as of today I have over 20 of them. I couldn't sleep because they are so damn itchy!!!! I calkled the Doctor and talked to him for a long time while he asked me a million questions about them. I was like "dude, you just saw them like 3 days ago!" LOL Anyway, he still thinks that it's some sort of infection. He put me on an antibiotic and told me that if they aren't better in 3 days that I need to go in again! Great! Actually 3 days will be Saturday and I know they aren't there Saturday so I guess that means waiting till Monday! I don't hold out much hope for the medication helping, but what do I know, I'm not a doctor!

In other news, I went and worked out today! Go me!!! I totally have to stop smoking, I thought I was gonna die today. It was probably a mixture of not having worked out in a week and the smoking! I was only the treadmill for a whole 10 minutes and I so wanted to quit. But I stuck it out and did the Elliptical too. Tomorrow I plan on going again for my weight training day. After my workout I had a horrific headache. So that combined with the itching caused me not to sleep! :(

Bob is having surgery tomorrow. I don't know if I told you guys but he has a herniated disk in his back. They are actually not even doing surgery on the back yet. They are more concerned with his neck (he had surgery on that 3 years ago for a herniated disk). I guess there is spinal cord damage and they have to go and clean that up first. So it looks like he'll be out of work for at least 3-4 months. Once he gets half way through recovery on the neck they will do surgery on the back.

Okay, I think that's about it for now. Everyone have a great day!

Okay, so I felt the need to write this all out today. Please don't feel obligated to respond...cause I'm just really bitching. Putting behing a cut cause it's long

( Enter if you dare )

I didn't go work out again today! :( I hate that about myself! Why can't I just seem to make that habit stick? I feel so much better when i'm doing it, but it seems like such a chore. I feel really good after the work out, and it make me eat well for the rest of the day. But I just can't seem to get my fat butt there. *sigh* Tomorrow I am supposed to meet my Dad at the gym at 8am, so I will go, I don't want to blow him off.

I have been so tired this week. I don't know if I've finally allowed the fact that I'm anemic again sink into my brain and I'm using it as an excuse to be lazy. I have done nothing but sleep for two days though. It's getting ridiculous! I need to do so many things and I am just putting them off. I am so out of clothes to wear that I am wearing an outfit for the second time this week...and it's only Tuesday...I really have to get my butt in gear!

I was thinking tonight how wonderful it would be if we all lived close to each other. We could hang out in the RW instead of just here. I am feeling a bit lonely I think. I haven't talked to any of my friends in what seems like weeks. It's sad to me that life just goes on and the people that you love so dearly you never get to see!

I feel old today...I don't like being 39...I don't like it one bit! I thought that I would be at such a different place in my life when I got to be this old.

Okay, I think I have nothing else to say...nothing good anyway.

Hello Y'all... Not much to say today. I am having a difficult time adjusting to taking my new meds. I hate taking the iron, it has made always made me sick. I suppose it's better than the alternative of being so tired I can't function...but I still don't like them. :(

I have decided 2 things tonight. 1. I need to get a second job. As sad as it makes me, because I have loved the past 3 months of only doing one full time things, I'm just really struggling with money. Some day I have to be able to move out of my parents house again, and the sooner the better. I really need to begin saving for a place of my own again. Secondly, I need to devise a budget and stick with it. I am horrible at just spending money on any ole little thing I want and not saving for the future. I'm too old to be playing this game!

I am making myself go work ut today. I don't want to, I just want to go home and crawl back into bed. However, my body is in need of this if I am ever going to take off this last 50lbs! *sigh*

I am all itchy today. When I went to the Doctor on Friday I showed him these strange little circle spots that had sprung up on my torso...they itch terribly. He didn't seem to think that much of them and said they were probably some sort of a skin infection. Whatever, well here we are 4 days later and they are worse and I have more of them. My tummy totally itches. I have no idea what to do short of going to the dermatologist. *sigh* Not in the mood for another Dr's appointment. Maybe I'll try Vitamin E oil. Anyone have any suggestions?

Hoping you all have a lovely day!

I can't believe it's Monday again. Why is it that the weekend always goes way too fast?

I was a nice weekend. Mom and I went out to the camper on Friday night and Dad met us Saturday. She and I went to Galena on Saturday morning. Did a little shopping and went out to lunch. We actually headed back earlier than expected because the weather didn't want to cooperate. It was a good thing we left when we did because we only got a few miles out of town and it poured. Not to miss out on any shopping we decided to hit the mall in Rockford on our way back. I had discovered that morning that in my hasty packing job I had forgotten to pack any underwear. So a shopping trip was necessary! We went to Marshall Fields, and then just wandered through the mall. I was a little saddened by the fact that Saturday will probably be the last time I ever set foot in a Marshall Fields again. They have been bought out by Macy's and the name change will happen early next month! Why do they have to chage the name? I don't understand it. I'm tired of living in a country where everything is the same everywhere! Marshall Fields was a Chicago institution...I saddens me that it will no more!

Okay Rant over.

In other news, I had blood work done at the doctor on Friday. They called me saturday afternoon to let me know that I am not in good shape! LOL My Thyroid is really off and they are doubling my medication. My Anemia is back in a big way. My Ferratin Level was at 6...The Doctor wants to see it around 100. So I guess it's off LOL. I informed the nurse that it wasn't as bad as 2 years ago when it was only 2...but she didn't find that amusing! I thought it was funny! Anyway, I'm back to taking my 4 iron pills a day, which are horrible cause they make me sick! I think this is the main reason that I haven't been loosing weight lately and it should help in making me not so tired. I exhausted all the time anymore.

Other than that nothing new. The excitement of birthday week is over and it's back to the daily grind.

I am thinking about looking for a second job the first part of October. I really need to start getting some kitchen experience so that I can make the leap to my new career.

I hope you all have a lovely Monday!

It's offically Friday. My goodness I thought it would never get here. a few more hours to go and I will be out of this dreadful place for 2 whole days! 6 hours to be exact! I have to go home and bake a cake this morning for Mom's B-day. Then it's off to the Dr. at 1pm. I have a feeling he's going to be highly dissapointed in me cause I've only lost like 10lbs since the last time I saw him in March! Oh well! At least I haven't gained! Then it's off to the campground for the weekend. I am really excited. I haven't been to Galena for years and I am really looking forward to spending the time with my Mom.

I was wondering if I might impose on those of my friends that have the ability to make Icons. I am in desperate need of some new ones and I don't have the ability to make them. So, if I might ask, if anyone is interested, I would love to recieve some. Is that horribly rude of me??? I hope not. I would make them for you if I knew how LOL.

Anyway I hope you all have an excellent weekend...I will see you here next week. Same bat time same bat channel!

It was a very nice day...with many lovely people contacting me. Thank you to all of you who made my birthday so special. Especially to Kim for the lovely flowers. Here's a pic for anyone who wants to see them.

I just wanted to try out my New Icon from my dear friend Margaret!